I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
