i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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