What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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