How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do vagina's smell?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize