Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!