I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.