and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
