I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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