idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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