i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
