Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
