You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
