Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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