I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That's when you crack a 10am beer
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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