dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
