Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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