Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
