I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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