two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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