why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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