It's Friday. Sex?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
