I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
