You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
