it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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