woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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