my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
