oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
