don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
