she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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