My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
