he thought i was a dude.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
