so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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