Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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