drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
