I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
