He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
