Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
