So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
