Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think i have two assholes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
