i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
