So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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