Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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