We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
