I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
