3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
