Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
