oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
