the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
