I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
