doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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