she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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