You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm passing your future prison.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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