I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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