She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
