I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
