I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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