so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
