Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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