Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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