So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
