I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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