is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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