The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
3pm strippers are depressing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
