You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
